atheist_cheese

Coming Out Day

2009-10-11T22:51:35Z

: D As if I don't talk about it enough.

So, listen up. I...cannot find a single world that properly and concisely defines my sexuality.

How's that for anti climactic?

I've tried out the words bisexual and lesbian, and they apply to certain degrees, in certain contexts. But in the end they don't apply fully.

I won't bother anyone with the boring details though, so call me any one of those two, it's fine.

Sexuality and Categories

2009-09-23T20:39:33Z

This may turn into a rant.

Why ~~the fuck~~ does everything need a category?

Why is confused and questioning such a bad thing?

What exactly is gay? Heterosexual? Are most people only attracting to one thing 100%, really? Do people seriously believe this? Is reality so mundane and unvaried for people?

Why is it that if I'm not completely sure of myself, to a gay activist it means I'm denying my sexuality, and to a bible humper it means I'm...defiantly defying my sexuality? wtf?

I'm starting to really dislike labels.

Am I heterosexual? Bisexual? Lesbian?

I really don't know. Every single one of those labels doesn't really apply in one way or another.

For other people, is sexuality really only about whether there's a penis or a vagina?

I don't know anything at this point, which can be frustrating. It's also very frustrating when people around you, even the accepting ones, demand a label, and look suspicious when you don't produce one.

I don't have one.

I'm freaky like that.

So relax. Breath. Yes, I'm not sure if the first person I'll ever make out with will have a penis or vagina. I'm still figuring it out, and if that bothers anyone, they can go screw themselves.

That's all.

What can be done?

2009-09-22T22:12:06Z

It's just come to me that this is the age where I can do...anything I want, really. :D I'm brilliant, I know.

Lot's of ideas have been floating around.

Nurse in the military, maybe?

Getting fit would probably be a good idea...

Writing. Maybe I should invest more in it? Develop myself?

Read more books. Classics, that sort of 'cultural' crap.

Explore random subjects of interest in fields of science, history, philosophy and holistic medicine?

Speaking of, should I still pursue holistic/naturopathic medicines?

I want to do something that involves nature-trips. I really loved canoe tripping, but I'm confused on how to achieve that.

Really, I don't know.

I can't commit.

And really, if I do, I doubt it'll last. I usually drop my interests quickly. This is a problem for me. I can't really develop a passion.

Well, I suppose I can, if I spent my time developing, instead of whining.

Need to find some motivation...

Meh.

2009-09-18T02:08:17Z

School's making it's way through me.

Starting it saw me having several bouts of deep anxiety, but I'm okay now.

Annoying how new situations always seem fraught with unsolved problems, yeah?

Quickly getting bored, and my mind is getting moody and wandering around.

I don't particularily like any of the people around me at school, except a couple old friends that I don't see often, and most of who I'm a bit distanced to.

I'm unsatisfied with my school, for several reasons.

For a top school, it seems to be overrated.

I dislike the underlying tone of intolerance I seem to be feeling. Eh, I suppose that's how society is. Tolerance, but only in moderation. I'm probably dissatisfied because I'm the one who always seems on the outside of whatever standards are set.

Fuck them. Fuck me.

The place has a nice library, though.

Why is it, that if I don't get at least 12 consecutive hours of sleep(almost impossible), the circles under my eyes look like I haven't sleep in 72 hours?

Miss my best friend, who's in another highschool.

Really want to hold and lick someone now, in an oddly nonsexual way.

sigh

2009-09-01T00:52:46Z

So, I go to a barbeque of a friend's that I haven't seen for a year or so. She's cool. She invites a few friends/people from my old school.

Aaaaugh. So awkward.

I have no idea why they started talking about gay people. I think it started with this bitch saying, "Oh, Canada is pink 'cuz it's full of gay people." all disdainful. (She was holding a globe.)

So, had to bear a couple of homophobic jeers/slurs for a bit. "Oh, you can tell when a guy is gay. They...*insert a bunch of stereotypes here*" "I just don't get it. It's disgusting..." Then comes the part where she goes all, "Oh, I've never met a lesbian. I'd never be friends with one. It's just creepy." etc. etc. This. It never fails to amuse me. It's happened to be several times, by people that liked me. My best friend nearly hurt herself trying not to laugh when I started mildly questioning this girl about the possibility of her meeting a lesbian and not knowing it.

I need to find some cool people at my highschool.

Finally Back.

2009-08-24T15:43:34Z

Yay. Another dose of camp, this time 19 days with a 7 day canoe trip, a week at the cottage and I"m finally back! Beginning of highschool is looming closer and closer, and I can't say I'm pleased with the prospect. Mostly just hesitant about being around people again. To think two years of school would change my attitude about people so much.

Anyway, the canoe trip was fucking awesome. No words beyond that. We woke up everyday really early, 5 am or so, but were off the water by 2 pm, giving us loads of time to nap and take hikes over the cool abandoned railways with that had spare metal parts littered around.

Also, I'd like to note, I portaged a canoe over 710 metres. Almost a kilometre of up and down portage trail. On my period. Let me tell you, even though canoe hats are hella sexy, they're way too heavy.

The consellours were hilariously innapropriate when they thought we couldn't hear. It's funny how being in a tent actually gives you the illusion of privacy. Like the tent right beside you can't hear a word you're screaming. The counsellours also seemed to bank on the idea that we had no idea what they're talking about.

Of course I've never heard of bondage. Right.

Our group was made of awesome. We were fast, efficient and it was so much fun. Lighting sparklers at night, waking up napping consellours with the peacful clang of metal parts, getting over the 1.7 kilo portage with a fucking bear barrel filled with bricks or something of the like. Yeah. Never doing that again. :D

The cottage was peacful.

So, all I've to look foward to in the near future is new glasses and the purchase of a uniform.

I really want to see my friend again.

But, generally content, sitting here, making up for missed internet time.

Back.

2009-07-19T16:35:00Z

Seemingly this "writing fanfic" journal thing has not worked out, for lack of fanfic. So, I'mma do that thing were this becomes the journal/diary thing of my life. Although, it is worth mentioning that all previous attempts in my life at diary writing failed. :D

So. I'm back from camp.

A tree almost fell on my head while backpacking.

I hate idiots, I really do. One day, after a few kilometres of made-your-own-trail hiking there was a break. "Oi, don't lean on that tree, it'll fall." "Nah, I'll be alright."

Next thing I know we're moving again, I pass this tree, then something bumps me hard in the back, and I fall over. That could've been my head, dammit.

Also : DO NOT BUILD UP THE FUCKING FIRE IF THERE ARE LOW HANGING TREE BRANCHES AROUND. The consellours didn't tell you not touch the fire to ruins your funsies. Forest fire = not cool, you moron.

Why so many stupid people?

Aaaand, predictably, there was boy drama. I've never seen the point in developing romantic ties to someone you'll see for only 10 days. Unless you've a way to arrange a shag at camp, what's the point? A friendship has a much better chance of surviving beyond camp. This may have something to do with all the Twilight fans in my group but apparently infatuation = fun.

Also, there was this one girl. Let's call her Sue. Sue was hot, in a conventional way. All the boys were always clambering to ~~look down Sue's shirt,~~ talk to Sue, put their arms around her shoulder, help her out.

This amused me muchly, since I was the one that got to snuggle with her all night long in a tent because it was fucking freezing. She wasn't exactly my type, but still, hot girl is hot girl. :D Score for meee. Silly boys.

Really, ogling is so much more sensible than a crush. As long as you remember to be discreet.

Cheers!

~~~Sasha

Hello!

2008-06-30T21:44:48Z

Greetings, I am Sasha. I will be using this journal to post fanfiction that I've written/writing. So far I've written Harry Potter fanfics, and am planning to write some Tamora Pierce fics. Hey, I'm even toying with the idea of writing original fiction. So hello, and welcome!
~~~Sasha